I’m a pretty likable guy.
Ironically, saying so makes me less likable, but just bear with me.
In real life interactions, I get along with most people and more often than not people have favorable things to say about me.
And I don’t have to rely on being fake or kissing ass. In fact, my blunt honesty can be off-putting.
So how do I do it? I’ll tell you in a second, but first I’m going to tell you why it matters.
Being likable has many advantages.
You get preferential treatment. People automatically give you the benefit of the doubt. And people are just nicer, more respectful, and they care more about what you have to say.
Being likable is great for your social life and your career.
Plus, even if you claim you don’t care what people think — everyone enjoys being liked by others.
Now I’ll show you an easy way to be more likable.
Figure Out What You Like About Them
The same way you want to be liked and how being likable gives you special advantages — the person you’re interacting with also wants to be liked.
And what’s interesting is that we have a tendency to automatically like people that like us, even if we wouldn’t normally find them as likable.
That’s why I focus on finding something I like about them, rather than trying to present something about myself I think they will like.
Genuinely liking them is the easiest way to make them like me.
Behavioral scientist Dr. Robert Cialdini even talked about this in his book Influence when discussing the laws of Liking and Reciprocity.
I’ve found this method incredibly effective throughout my lifetime.
From meeting the parents of the girl I’m dating to sitting in an executive boardroom pitching a deal and every type of interaction in between.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been warned before meeting someone because of difficult they are to win over, only for them to fall in love with me within a matter of 30 minutes.
Don’t take my word for it, try it yourself.
Why This Approach Works For Me
I’m not one to dance on command like a trained monkey.
I really don’t care for the dumb games people play in social situations, so I generally prefer to go around those silly games and get to the end result quicker.
I’m not saying I don’t ever do the whole fake introduction, list off the credentials, blah blah blah approach. But I only do it in situations where I know I won’t see those people again and I don’t have an interest in forming a genuine connection.
Otherwise, I do it my way because my way has a perfect track record for me.
This approach works for me because I’m genuinely more concerned about deciding whether I like the other person than I am about deciding if they like me.
Time is precious, and I’ve found it best to be picky about who I invest my time in.
I have no patience for time-wasters, liars, and negative people.
In my experience, this approach works way better than kissing ass.
As flattering as your ass-kissing can be, people simply won’t respect you as much when you do it.
Plus, it’s fake.
I’d rather give a big compliment and actually mean it.
When you find common ground and build from there, not only are you immediately more likable, you also earn the respect of the other person as the conversation unfolds.
What if I Can’t Find Common Ground?
There are going to be times where you can’t find common ground, but you still need to get along with this other person. They could be a co-worker or future in-law that you can’t just avoid forever.
In my experience, you simply need to dig deeper. We’re all human, and even though we’re all supposed to be special snowflakes, we’re a lot more similar than we like to admit.
Here’s a story about a situation like this…
In a joint venture project I was involved with several years ago, there were two older gentlemen, another guy around my age, and then myself. Let’s call this other guy Robert.
Robert was a high-caliber guy — nice, smart, and hard-working. But we just didn’t have anything in common so our conversations always fell flat and we didn’t have much to talk about.
He was very religious and I was living more of a hedonistic lifestyle at the time, so while he was meeting with his church group on a Saturday night, I’m in the back of a club doing blow with some people I just met.
It’s not that I disliked Robert, it was more of a neutral feeling because there was nothing for us to connect on (besides the project, of course). Finally, I found it — fitness.
Turns out Robert was a fitness junkie like myself. The moment we discovered this common ground, I could feel the tension completely disapate.
We finally had a genuine connection through something, and from that point on I went from trying to avoid awkward conversations with Robert to looking forward to our conversations.
Finding that common ground made a profound difference that permanently changed our friendship.
I’ve used this technique in some of the most hostile of situations, and it’s surprisingly effective.
Give it a shot for yourself and see if you don’t find you’re one likable sonofabitch as well.
P.S. People who have bought my book liked it and I like them.
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What do you think? Do you agree, disagree or have any thoughts to add? Let me know in the comments below.
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