Negative people are everywhere and we all have to deal with them. However, there are some simple steps you can take to decrease the negativity in your life and increase the positivity. It won’t always be easy, but this is one of the most important traits of successful people that you need to adapt.
How to Spot Negative People
Most of the time it’s pretty obvious when a person is being negative. However, sometimes you become so used to it that you forget that a person (or yourself) is even being negative.
Negative people always have a negative reaction to everything.
If you say “I got a huge raise” they’ll respond with something like “well you’re going to have to pay a lot more in taxes now” instead of a simple congratulations.
If you say “I’m going for a PR in the gym today”, they’ll respond with “be careful, you might hurt yourself” instead of something encouraging.
Over time these negative comments eat away at your soul. Who wants to be constantly reminded of the worst case scenario? Not me.
Be very cautious of people like this because they are toxic. You should avoid people who always find a way to put a negative spin on things. These people will only bring you down.
It’s usually these people who will have something negative to say every time you do something to improve yourself.
Negative people use negative words.
This is something we have all been guilty of, but you need to be aware of it. Using negative words has an impact on your mental state.
When someone says “thank you”, we might respond with “no problem.” Those are two negative words, no and problem. Instead, respond with something positive like “you’re welcome” or “my pleasure.” Anything with a positive spin.
This is something I have to constantly work on because it seems so harmless. However, when you speak negative words it changes your mood.
Let’s say someone asks how you’re doing and you respond with “not bad.” Do you see the negative connotation there? Two negative words again.
What you speak about yourself eventually becomes true. Not only are you convincing yourself of how you feel, but people react based on your response and that gives you social proof of how you’re feeling.
Happiness is a choice. If you rely on other people to make you happy then you are weak and selfish. It’s YOUR responsibility to make yourself happy, no one else’s.
Negative people seek your pity and attention.
Negative people are self-absorbed. They think their problems are more important than yours or anyone else’s for that matter.
Since negative people are hard to like because they offer no value to anyone – they have to rely on your pity to get attention. Our Facebook news feeds are overflowing with people like this.
I’m not talking about the person who’s having a temporary setback or has lost a loved one. I’m talking about the people who day after day have something to complain about in their life.
These people often take pride in their negativity. You can spot them because when you complain about something bad that happened to you they are the first to tell you how they have experienced SO MUCH WORSE.
People who are quick to always tell you how much worse they have it than you should be avoided at all costs. If they gave half a fuck about you they would be more concerned about your problem then trying to convince you why your problem is nothing compared to theirs.
How to Drop Negative People
I can’t express enough how valuable your time is. You should guard your time like it was your life – because it is!
Now this is going to sound a little callous, but hear me out. The point of this website is to help you get what you want out of life and that can’t be accomplished with dead weight holding you back.
You can’t help anyone who isn’t willing to help themselves.
You can try to help people, in fact you should always try to help people whenever you can. It feels great, it’s the right thing to do and it creates good karma.
However, you need to realize when to cut your losses. People who refuse to help themselves will latch onto you like a leech and suck you dry. They’ll take all the free help you offer, but as soon as you aren’t doing the work for them they will instantly revert back to their old ways.
The same way you qualify your customers, you need to qualify the people you are willing to help. If they can’t take action on their own then there’s nothing you can do to help them, no matter how hard you try.
Be upfront with negative people.
When I was in 7th grade, my best friend since kindergarten and my other closest friend decided to join a gang. Yes, a real gang. They actually announced it to me.
They said “hey man, we’ve talked it over and we’re gonna join this gang and start drinking and smoking weed.” I know that sounds weird that they would just make that decision and tell me like that, but that’s the truth. Most people don’t make a conscious decision to jump into that lifestyle out of nowhere, they usually slowly fall into it.
I wanted nothing to do with that because I wanted to be successful one day and I knew that would slow me down or stop me. So I told them right then and there that I had no problem or dislike for them, but I would no longer be hanging out with them. They understood and respected my decision.
It really hurt me to see two people I cared about throw their lives away over the course of the next few years, but I’m not about to throw my life away.
I had to sit alone at lunch for a week or so until I figured out who of my other friends I should get closer with. It sucked, but oh well.
By the way, I actually ran into this guy a few years ago at a pizza joint he was the manager of in our hometown. Surprisingly, he brought up the above scenario and told me how much he respected me for what I did. It was a very bittersweet feeling.
He seemed to have gotten his life back on track, but it was clear that the lifestyle he chose had led to a lot of pain and loss. I hope things work out for him though, he is actually a really nice guy. When we were friends he always had my back and always put others ahead of himself.
The path to greatness has many casualties. You don’t build a strong mind without overcoming some obstacles.
You can slow me down, but I will not be stopped. Ever. That’s the mindset I encourage you to adopt as well.
I’ve had to end friendships since then and confront friends, but if you can do it once you can do it 1000 times again. I’ve had to sever ties with family members and avoid others, but that’s all part of living a life of choice.
You have to be in control of your own life. If you don’t want negativity in your life then you have to take action to prevent it. People will respect you for it and the ones who have a problem with that don’t have your best interests in mind and should be cut off permanently.
Ignore Negative People
Most of the time I don’t confront negative people. Not only am I not a confrontational person, but negative people get off on confrontation.
Negative people love drama, it’s what fuels them and gives them self-assurance about why being negative is right or ok. Negative people need the drama to survive, it feeds them.
That’s why I prefer to just ignore them and let them bleed out and die.
If I’m not close with the person, I will just ignore them about 99% of the time. When you stop giving them the drama they crave they will look elsewhere. It’s simple and effective.
How to Protect Yourself From Negativity
Negativity is everywhere and you need to be aware of it and guard yourself from it. I’ve made a habit of avoiding negativity at this point in my life.
Control What You Consume
I used to think that all that talk about violence in video games and messages in music destroying the youth was bullshit – and to some extent I still think that.
However, there is a lot of truth to it as well. The shows you watch, the music you listen to and the people you talk to all impact your mindset. There are hundreds of studies to support this and even Facebook did their own experiment that proved this recently. (I suggest blocking or defriending everyone on your social media accounts who only put out negative messages. A lot of them will notice, and some will confront you about it, but you’re better off without them.)
Throughout my childhood I struggled with depression. However, I’ve found that after cutting out a lot of negative influences in my life (certain friends and family members, heavy metal and violent rap, and even watching the news) I no longer get depressed at all.
If you’re an introvert, like myself, you are much more prone to being influenced by negativity. Unlike extroverts who constantly think about what they want to say next, introverts are actually listening and absorbing information.
Only consume positive messages. Avoid negative shows, music and people. Your mental outlook depends on it.
Don’t Open Yourself Up to Negative People
I don’t share personal thoughts or ideas with negative people. Nothing good ever comes from that.
Unless you want to see the negative side to every single thought or idea you come up with then I suggest you do the same.
Not only will they encourage self-doubt, but negative people are always the first to use your own vulnerabilities against you. Remember, they are weak so they always go for the low blow first.
Negative people don’t deserve to connect with you.
Limit Your Exposure
In some circumstances it may be hard to avoid negative people. For example, if you are a teenager living at home with negative parents, it’s hard to cut them off.
You can always limit your exposure though. Just find ways to spend as little time as possible around negative people or situations until you can get away for good.
How to Attract Positive People
This is similar to how you would go about attracting your dream girl or guy. You have to give before you can receive.
Use positive words like I mentioned earlier. Always view the positive angle on every situation. Just like negativity, positivity is infectious.
The road ahead might be tough, but a positive attitude will only make it easier.
Use your positive mindset to bring value to the lives of others. People will take notice when you always have a positive mindset and they will want to be around you. (Just remember, negative people want to be around you to leech off your positivity)
Positive people always prefer to surround themselves with other positive people.
Even if you have to fake it at first, your mind will eventually learn to instinctively think positive thoughts. Having a positive mind is much more difficult than having a negative mind. The more you can improve your positive outlook, the stronger your mind will become.
A stronger mind will enable you to accomplish more than ever before.
Actions are much stronger than words. If you want to attract positive people, do positive things.
Treat people with respect and show the world that you respect yourself. Carry yourself with some pride, but don’t be cocky.
You’d be surprised how people will treat you when you walk with good posture and offer a friendly smile.
Lead by example and do kind deeds before expecting to receive kind deeds. People will take notice.
Chase your dreams and you’ll find yourself in the company of others who are following their dreams.
Start taking real action to improve your life and you’ll find yourself around people who are doing the same.
Be real. Liars and fakes are the scum of the Earth and don’t deserve the company of positive people.
Be the type of person you would want to hang out with. It sounds simple, and it is, but it won’t always be easy. Just remember, easy is for the weak.
Negativity is poison and you should treat it as such. Life is too short to waste with toxic people – even if they are family or close friends. Part of getting everything you want out of life is cutting out the stuff you don’t want. You’ll be glad you did.
What have you done to rid your life of negativity? Let me know in the comments.
Until Next Time,
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