One of the biggest mistakes I see people make is going back to a relationship that’s already failed.
It probably seems like no big deal to you since it happens so often…
But it is.
At least, in my opinion — and I’ll tell you why.
Allow me to add some context first.
While I’ve never cared much for rules, I do have several personal rules that I’ve set for myself. You can call it a personal code I live by.
I talk about these rules with the people closest to me in real life, but when I sit down to write a blog post they never come to mind. I’m going to change that.
Based on your reaction, I may decide to share even more from my personal code.
One of the most important rules I have is NEVER going back to an ex.
Of course, you already know I’ve done it — or why would I have this rule in the first place?
However, I’ve held firm in this rule for nearly a decade now, despite the most aggressive attempts from ex’s to lure me back into their trap.
As a result, I get to enjoy a relationship that others can’t imagine.
Well, there’s more to it — but this is one of the fundamental reasons why. It’ll make sense once you’ve read the full article.
Although this article is written from a male’s perspective, I believe the following to be true for women, as well.
1. It will never work like you want it to
If your relationship got to a point where one of you was willing to end it — the permanent damage is done.
There’s no going back to before that moment.
Whether they’ve decided to end it, or you have, it doesn’t matter.
The true intention was revealed. You can lie to yourself all you want, but it is what it is.
Even if they broke up with you out of anger, or whatever the excuse is, you can’t erase the fact that they reached a point where they were done with you.
Emotions are powerful and they cloud your judgement.
When you’re a lovesick puppy you can’t think clearly.
As the smoke settles from the breakup, you start to think about what you might be missing out on.
Our minds naturally want to remember the positive things and forget about the negative things.
But it’s never as good as it once was.
Your new relationship will never be as good as the one that existed before one of you called it quits.
Even if it “works out” as people say, meaning that you force yourselves to stay miserably together, you’ll always know that she rejected you and it will eat away at your soul.
Or you’ll know that you rejected her, couldn’t find a better option, and settled.
Either way, it leads to my next point…
2. You’ll have no self-respect (and get none from her)
I’ll tell you like I tell every guy I’ve ever had this discussion with:
If you go back to her, you might as well just cut off your balls and let her keep them in her purse for you until she’s done with them — you certainly won’t have any use for them anymore.
If she dumps you and you go back, it’s because you didn’t have a better option. You know it and she knows it.
If you dump her and get back with her, it’s because you didn’t have a better option. You know it and she knows it.
When you settle for less in life, you lose respect for yourself.
We tell ourselves all kinds of phoney baloney lies to feel better about it…
But I love her…
But I know she’s the one…
But it will be better this time…
Deep down you know the truth, no matter how far you try to run from it.
And while you might be in denial, women are incredibly in-tune with the emotional dynamics of a relationship and she will always see you as the little bitch who settled.
Not necessarily in a bad way — you’re her little bitch. It’s cute in a way.
Plus, it gives her the opportunity to take the reigns for good…
3. It makes you vulnerable to manipulation
Going back to an ex shows her that you lack self-respect and she has more control over your emotions than you do, leaving you vulnerable to endless manipulation.
Although women can be extremely manipulative, the truth is they really don’t want to be.
They would prefer to be with a man who can’t be manipulated — it’s just so rare that most women don’t think it’s an option anymore.
A man who lacks control over his emotions isn’t fit to be the leader in a relationship. This cues the woman to take charge.
After all, how can she trust you to be a good father and make the best decisions for your family — and yes, she’s thinking that far ahead — if you lack self-respect?
Manipulation is a smart survival strategy for women. I don’t even blame them for trying. It’s better than blindly following a man who has no self-respect.
You have to consider that we live in a feminist-driven society that is constantly telling women to be strong, independent, and to take charge. At the same time, society is telling men to act like women.
Honestly — how many couples do you know in real life where the man actually wears the pants?
And it’s not just society that teaches us to accept this as normal.
Mothers tell their daughters to threaten to break up with a guy who won’t propose to them.
guys suckers are handing out ultimatum engagement rings like candy.
So before you condemn women for being manipulative — think carefully about the role you play in this and how you can prevent it from happening to you.
When you have the self-respect to say “you had your chance” and mean it, you’ll find that women don’t ever break up with you unless they mean it.
If that’s where you’re currently at, I have some good news for you…
4. You will always find someone better
Since you’re reading my site I assume you’re actively working to improve yourself in all areas of life — that means you have options, even if you don’t realize it.
As a man with options — breakups = upgrades.
I’m 28 now and I can tell you that the competition started falling apart around 25 and it’s damn near nonexistent at this point. The game is mine and yours for the taking.
If you’re older than 30, there is no competition.
If you’re younger, just learn how to approach a girl with confidence and how to pick up a phone to call her (instead of texting) and you’ll be miles ahead of your peers.
There will always be more options and you will always find someone better.
Just think about it — you were able to get your last girl, weren’t you? And you improved as a person overall since then, haven’t you? So why wouldn’t you be able to find someone else?
Plus, as we age, the competition decreases.
It’s actually easier each time!
While you might feel down at first, you’ll eventually learn to embrace a breakup as an opportunity to upgrade.
It just always seems to work out that way.
I really don’t enjoy giving relationship advice.
It’s one of the topics people are most sensitive about and I don’t like debating issues that get people all riled up with emotions because it wastes time. Plus, I don’t like getting involved in other relationships because it’s none of my business.
However, in my personal life, my relationships have always set the bar for comparison (and jealousy).
While many of my friends think I’m just lucky, or maybe they think I’m putting on a better act, the truth is I have a firm grasp on this topic.
I just don’t really like talking about it, which is why many people in my life don’t realize that my relationships are great for a reason — I know what the fuck I’m doing and I’m very intentional in the way I handle my relationships.
I say that to say this:
If you found this article useful, let me know in the comments. While I don’t like writing about relationships, I’m willing to do it if I know I’m providing value to you and helping you enjoy more meaningful and enjoyable relationships.
But if you don’t let me know, I’m just going to continue to keep this stuff to myself.
What do you think? Do you agree, disagree or have any thoughts to add? Let me know in the comments below.
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