There are a million ways to get what you want, most of which are selfish and generally disliked. So how do you get everything you want without pissing other people off? Simple – give first and give more than expected. This works in business, in relationships and all other areas of life. It’s not a secret like the title says, but it’s rare enough that you would think it was. The true secret lies in how to leverage giving to methodically get what you want. That’s what I’m going to share with you today.
Make More Money
In my opinion, the best form of marketing today is to give away value to customers and potential customers. People love to take a test drive first.
This works no matter what you do, employed or self-employed.
How to Get Promoted by Giving More
If you are climbing the corporate ladder, you have to do a lot of giving. I’m not advocating you be a suck up, no one likes that. I’m just saying you need to provide more value than your peers and that means being willing to give more than they are. Give more time, give more focus, give away your best ideas and let your boss get credit for it. If your company has a good work environment you will have no problem moving up this way.
I can see giving more effort, but why would I give away my best ideas? Well, that’s why I advocate self-employment, so you don’t have to. The thing is, it works in the long run because eventually you move up to a point where you no longer have to give your ideas upwards. If you can get to the executive level you can start giving your ideas downwards and get the credit you deserve. You’ll get to that point much quicker by delaying the satisfaction of getting credit for ALL of your work upfront.
If you want to be a manager, give the most value as an employee. If you want to be a regional manager, give the most value to the company as a manager. The company wants to test drive you at lower levels, before promoting you.
How to Market Your Brand by Giving More
When I was 18, I started DJ’ing for this big DJ company that was founded by a guy who dropped out of college to start his business. He was an inspirational guy and he had all these phrases he would say. One was “overdeliver and get overpaid.”
He lived those words. He would only get a few hours of sleep on weekends. I would pick up my equipment at 6 am and check in with him and go over some notes with him about my show. Then I would return from the gig, often around 4 am the next morning, he would still be up interviewing us about how our show went and reading our feedback on this form he required us have clients fill out.
If a project usually took a month, he would promise his customers a week and deliver it in 48 hours. Can you imagine the rave reviews he got? His business was on fire and was completely marketed by word of mouth.
As an entrepreneur you don’t have to work yourself to death to give more value. Many businesses are now creating blogs and youtube channels. For a little bit of time, they can give away free (and hopefully high quality) information to an unlimited amount of people. Who do you think would be more likely to pay them, someone who learned something valuable for free or someone who randomly walked into their store?
This strategy allows people to test drive your products or services.
If you’re a barber you could make youtube videos with hairstyle tips for your existing clients and to attract new ones. If people like your advice they are more likely to want you to cut their hair. If you want to be an author, why not start a blog and allow people to test drive your material first?
Why would I give away something for free that I could make money on?
You don’t have to. Most people don’t give away much of any value for free. However, most people aren’t very successful now are they?
One of the most respectable ways to differentiate yourself as an entrepreneur is to give away value for free. The good news is, anyone can do that. You might not be good at networking or understand marketing strategies, but you can at least give more of what you already offer.
If you can learn how to qualify your customers and provide value to them, you will be just fine.
Create Rewarding Relationships
The easiest way to attracting your dream girl or guy is through giving. It’s so obvious, yet many people just can’t figure it out.
How to Improve Relationships by Giving More
If you’re a girl and you want your boyfriend to listen more, you should start by listening to him more first.
Don’t bother encouraging your girlfriend to work out if you don’t practice what you preach.
For whatever you want to receive from a relationship, give that first. Most people will never have dated someone like that before.
The two ways to give more are:
- Make the first move
- Provide value
Making the first move might be difficult for some of you, especially if you’re an introvert. That’s the reason why it’s important that you do it. Most people don’t like to ALWAYS make the first move, they would prefer someone else to.
By making the first move, you make yourself vulnerable. Showing vulnerability is the quickest way to gain someone’s trust.
You become valuable when you provide more value in a relationship. Meaning, you have the choice to date anyone you want.
How do you provide more value in a relationship? Simple, think of what you would like and do those things. If you want more compliments, give more compliments. If you want more favors done for you, do more favors.
While this works great in general, it’s more effective if you can find out what your girlfriend/boyfriend wants and do more of that. To get an idea of where to start, there’s a book called The 5 Love Languages. It’s been around for years, I read it in high school. It provides a great starting framework for understanding how to make the person you’re dating VERY happy.
Do you want to attract girls who will do anything to please you? First, you have to make yourself valuable enough by being a generous giver.
How to Build Business Relationships by Giving
Nowadays this is commonly done on social media. The only thing better than a compliment about you or your business is a public compliment.
If you’d like a particular person or brand to reach out to you, give something in return first. This is a great way to get on someone’s radar, without being annoying. Even better than a shout-out or positive review, try to help them out.
Favors go a long way in business. My dad once told me that the world is built on kickbacks and there’s a lot of truth to that.
The majority of big business deals that I’ve personally seen get closed had a favor involved at some level of the deal.
Aside from all of the warm fuzzy feelings, favors in business can be worth a lot of money. Smart businesspeople remember those who make them money. Who’s more likely to do you a favor down the road, someone who you made money or saved money, or someone that you’ve never helped?
It’s just common sense.
The Scarcity Mindset
The reason why people are afraid to give is because of a scarcity mindset.
If you have a business and you’re afraid to give away anything for free because of the potential money you wouldn’t make, you have a scarcity mindset.
Why would you be scared? Maybe your product/service sucks and you don’t want people to find out for free. Maybe you aren’t willing to put in the extra work for free. Whatever it is, you are afraid of not receiving enough. Do you think your customers are going to be more giving than you are?
People who give less in relationships are typically trying to protect themselves from getting let down. That’s a scarcity mindset. Relationships don’t last when one person isn’t holding up their end of the deal.
If you make a point to always give more than you receive you will find that luck tends to show favor on you. Also, it’s a great insurance policy when things get sticky. Here’s how it worked for me:
When I was 20 I worked for an Optometrist in Tulsa, OK, who shall remain nameless. He hired me on the premise that I was willing to take on more responsibility than the other employees. (By the way, I got that job because I knew him from volunteering at a youth group his son started. Just an example of how giving helps business relationships, even when you’re a kid)
He started off his new employees at a lower hourly rate for 6 months, which was followed by an evaluation and usually a small raise.
Over those 6 months I busted my ass for this guy’s company. I was hired as an optician (the people who do the first part of the eye exam) but I was rarely in the office. He had this big piece of property that he eventually wanted to turn into his primary residence and the corporate headquarters. He paid a crew of 4-5 guys to do the landscaping on Saturdays.
After about 3 months I had completely replaced that entire crew and got all of the work done in less than half the time. Then he had me travel up to Topeka, Kansas to learn how to run one of those 1-hour eyeglass labs. The thing was I had to learn how to read prescriptions, learn the terminology, materials, machines involved, learn how to manage a lab staff, how to repair glasses, then I had to learn all of the front of house stuff like sales and customer service – in one week.
After that I spent the entire summer in Little Rock, Arkansas running the lab at a struggling store and training a new staff. I don’t want to portray that I was doing all this to be nice, he incentivized me with extra pay while out of town and with the promise of a raise and promotion.
However, I was being paid very poorly and I was working 80-100 hours a week in Little Rock. By the time I had my 6 month evaluation I had the 3rd most responsibility of anyone in the company. I worked my ass off and had a great attitude the entire time, the perfect example of giving more than you receive.
Can you guess what I got in return? No promotion, a 25 cent raise and my first real lesson in how the world works.
This is what I mean by having an insurance policy. When you give more and become more valuable, you always have THIS card you can play if you absolutely have to.
How did I respond to that insulting reward for my hard work? I emailed the Doc as soon as I got home. (He was too much of a chicken shit to show his face in the office that day) I put in my letter of resignation and expressed my disappointment in the raise after he dangled the carrot in front of me for months.
What happened next shocked me, but it shouldn’t have.
He apologized and offered me a real raise. That’s when I realized I had the best insurance plan you can have and that’s being irreplaceable. When you give more than others, you can’t be replaced by just one person.
At this point I could give eye exams as well as any of the opticians who did that full time, I had replaced the entire landscaping crew at the future headquarters, I could run a lab better than anyone in the company besides the guy who trained me (he was awesome) and quite frankly I knew all of the trade secrets in a highly competitive market. Doctors (entrepreneurial ones like this one) are notorious for stealing employees to take out a competitor.
So what did I do? At the tender age of 20, with no college degree or serious work experience under my belt, I told him I would stay under the condition that he double the new offer, promote me and give me a team to manage. I probably would’ve been too scared to send that email if I wasn’t still pissed off from earlier in the day when I got the 25 cent raise offer.
So I sent it without hesitation, fully ready to walk away if he said no. He responded quickly, not even two minutes later he replied and said he would be happy to oblige.
And that, my friend, is why you always give first.
So what was the life lesson I learned from that experience?
In business, people only care about you to the extent that you benefit them.
It sounds harsh, but it’s really not. In fact, it makes perfect sense. Remember the saying: it’s not personal, just business. Benefit others and you’ll be set for life.
Giving more isn’t about kissing ass or being a pushover. Giving more means holding up your end of the deal and having a reason to expect the same of others around you.
Want to get more out of life and cover your own ass at the same time? Focus on giving and you will inevitably receive in abundance. It all starts with your mindset. If you have a scarcity mindset, you will inevitably find resources to be very scarce. For everything we want to accomplish in life, we have to foster a mindset that leads a person to accomplishing that thing.
What do you guys find is the hardest part about being giving? Let me know in the comments.
Until Next Time,
Bonus: I love talking about mindset a lot because I feel it is crucial to high performance in all areas of life. I recommend you listen to this podcast by Mike Danger of dangerandplay.com showing how he practices having an abundance mindset. I want to make sure you guys have access to all of the great resources I have, so we can grow together.
What do you think? Do you agree, disagree or have any thoughts to add? Let me know in the comments below.
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