After years of trial and error, I’ve figured out the formula for a thriving relationship.
Not a relationship that works.
A relationship that thrives.
People gauge the success of a relationship by whether or not the couple stays together — that’s not how I look at it.
If two people stay together, but they’re miserable, the relationship isn’t thriving.
A thriving relationship is one where:
- You’re both happy and your needs are met
- You both share the same life vision
- You both don’t become complacent or bored
A thriving relationship gets better with time like fine wine.
However, like most things in life, you won’t get a thriving relationship by following the “normal” path to success.
Forget everything Disney told you and get real.
The first step to getting your dream girl is becoming the man your dream girl wants.
If you’re lazy and boring, you’re going to attract someone else who is lazy and boring. Simple as that.
Now that we’ve cleared that up, we need to address the fact that being in love doesn’t create a thriving a relationship.
You can be in love and not have the three C’s, but you can’t have the three C’s without being in love.
Focus on the three C’s and love will follow.
The 3 C’s of a Thriving Relationship
Two out of three can work, but you have to have all three for a relationship that thrives.
Communication is the most important thing in any relationship — whether it’s with someone you’re dating, a business partner, or friends and family.
You have to be able to communicate openly and honestly.
This is the only variable of the 3-C formula that you have full control over, so don’t make excuses.
If your communication is shit — your communication is shit. Step your game up.
My approach to communication is being brutally honest.
Here’s the way I see it…
If you’re going to be with someone for a long period of time, they’re eventually going to learn everything about you.
They’ll get to know your strengths, your flaws, your weird preferences, and everything in between.
What if some of those things are deal-breakers for them?
Or — what if some of those things draw them even closer to you?
Instead of waiting years to find out, being brutally honest from the start allows you to figure those things out quicker.
A relationship with terrible communication is destined to fail.
Now we’re going in the complete opposite direction to the one variable you have the least control over.
You can create the scenario for chemistry to happen, but you can’t force it to happen.
Chemistry is a vibe. Either you feel a spark or you don’t.
Without chemistry, your relationship won’t have sustained romance.
Sure you might enjoy the sex at first for the sake of having sex with a new person, but that will fade.
Are you still going to enjoy having sex one, two, or ten years later?
Only if you have great chemistry.
Chemistry is more than physical attraction — although that is an important part of it.
When the vibe is right, you’re attracted to their mind, body, and soul.
Chemistry is the X-factor. Without it, you’ll end up in a boring, vanilla relationship with no romance.
Compatibility is the most obvious, but overlooked component in a thriving relationship.
It’s obvious because it’s the first thing we usually look for — the things we have in common.
But it’s overlooked because it’s the first thing we throw out the window when we experience great chemistry.
Compatibility is the serious part of the relationship. The mature part.
The part that ignores all the lovey dovey stuff and gets down to brass tacks.
Compatibility is what determines whether you’ll be happy with that person long-term or if they’ll drive you insane.
It’s true that opposites attract, and all of those difference do make things exciting.
But when the honeymoon phase wears off, the things that were once exciting get annoying.
Eventually, you just want to be with someone that enjoys living life the same way you do.
Plus, incompatibility causes the biggest problems.
Do you both want to get married someday? Do you both want to have kids? Do you want to settle down in one city or do you want to move around?
These are the big life decisions you need to be in agreement on.
Incompatibility leads to ultimatums — resulting in lifelong resentment and misery.
I already know what you might be thinking…
Every relationship requires compromise.
The difference between an average relationship and a thriving, 3-C relationship ultimately comes down to compromise.
The entire point of being in a thriving relationship is that you DON’T have to make big compromises because you share the same vision for your life together.
Compatibility makes life easier and more enjoyable. Ignore it at your own peril.
Communication solves problems and prevents problems from occurring.
Chemistry keeps the spark alive so you never die inside.
Compatibility keeps you sane and keeps you focused on your vision.
I’ve had communication/chemistry and chemistry/compatibility.
They are fun for a while and they can work, but something is always missing.
You need all three to have a thriving relationship.
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What do you think? Do you agree, disagree or have any thoughts to add? Let me know in the comments below.
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